A Rant

Hello again!

Ok, this is going to be much more of a rant than usual, and I expect to offend some people. There will be tough love involved, and if you are offended, well... Too bad. Harden The Fuck Up and Hike The Fuck Out (there will also be swearing for emphasis.)

Here we go.

So, on an unnamed airline today (not necessarily the airline I fly for; I've been in this industry a while, ya know) one of the female passengers was sexually molested by the male passenger who was sitting next to her.

Yes, that's right. Right out there in the open. When the FA came by, the molester said "we're together;" the FA was pretty new, and didn't know how to handle the situation. Maybe she thought they had arrived separately for something clandestine, who knows, but for whatever reason, she did not pick up on that as a lie.

We'll take a break here so I can give you a little story about myself.

Quite a few years ago, I was on the Blue Line (Chicago ELevated train line) coming home from the western suburbs. Where I lived at the time, this was a jaunt.. probably a good hour from the Western end of the Blue Line to my stop, which would be Addison or Irving Park, based on which direction I came from... I lived midway between the two, so I just got off at whichever came first.

So, there I am on the train.

We'd left Clark/Lake, and were working our way northwest, and there were maybe a dozen people on the train. A girl that had been further forward in the car sat across from me, but diagonally across the doors. Then a man sat down in the row behind her, and starting talking under his breath to her. I could see the look of annoyance pass across her face, and I thought... great, a lover's quarrel to end my train ride, that's really sweet.

After a while, and because I like observing people, I realized that her body language was describing her running away. She was nailed down to the spot she was seated in, but her body was telling another story. I decided to pay a little bit more attention.

The man kept talking to her, low, quietly, and then I saw her reaction, and heard her say "Just go away, I don't know you."

Suddenly, I know why her body language looks like she is trying to run away. Trying to flee. Flight response.

I could see there was a little bit of panic set in around her eyes. I could see that the man's body language was very forward, very aggressive, even seated.

I looked around the train, and ahead of me on my side of the train were 3 men and a woman, the three men all looked fairly good sized. On the other side of the train car were a few couples and a solo man, plus the 'couple' that I was watching.

Nobody.. and I mean nobody... was paying attention to the drama that was playing out in the back of the train car, except for me.

How many stories have you read in the newspaper of someone who was accosted in broad daylight (this was night, and quite late.) People all around, and yet.... something happens to someone and there is a chorus of 'why didn't she speak out?' 'All she had to do was call out!'

My quandary was that I was rapidly approaching my stop (Addison.) The girl was sitting near the doors, so I would get a good close look when I was getting ready to exit. I decided if something still seemed out of place, I would come up with something.

I got up for my stop a little early, and stood by the doors for them to open. I looked at the girl, and I could see 'help me' in the panic in the whites of her eyes. So I said

"Hey! Holy Smokes! Is that really you? Remember? Scott, from first year Algebra at school! Where on earth have you been and what have you been up to?"

I could see the relief flood through her that someone... anyone had noticed her plight.  She smiled up at me and said "Oh, yes, hi! So good to see you again!"

So I let my stop go by. We chatted for a little longer, and I could see the guy was getting really frustrated at getting blocked. I decided to go in for checkmate:

"Hey, why don't you jump off with me if you don't have anything going on; I know a great place we can grab a cup of joe and keep catching up."

She got off the train with me, clutching my arm. The man got off at the same time we did, and when I looked at him he gave me a big toothy grin. When we got down Irving Park Road, the man turned for a moment and I basically tossed the girl into a cab that pulled up as if I had summoned it. I jumped in behind her and told the cabbie to go go go. As we pulled away, I saw the man leap out into the street to see where we had gone, but he never saw us in the cab.

She was so thankful as we pulled away. She was practically sobbing. I only had a few blocks to go in the cab, but I made sure she had cab fare, gave her my home number (this was before the prevalence of smart phones, etc... etc...) and told her to call me when she got to her destination.

So you know what my course of action is.... and that is.... action.

Returning to our topic;

A man on a flight changed seats to sit next to a woman he did not know, and then he sexually molested her. I don't know the exact nature of what he was doing to her, but it involved unwanted physical contact.

The cockpit crew (Captain and First Officer, both of whom I happen to know, surprisingly) did not know anything of this, and as I mentioned above, the FA thought that they were together, or at least the man had said they were together.

As the woman was getting off the airplane, she told the FA what had really been going on. The FA made sure the Captain knew, and the Captain, being a proper male, immediately jumped out of his seat, asked who the man was that was involved, and then took off after him. The police were called, and statements were taken at the gate.

The Captain actually managed to get the man trapped in a revolving door at the terminal exit, but neither TSA nor the Chicago Police saw him, nor noticed that there was something wrong. He had left his cell phone in the flight deck when he bolted from the cockpit, so he could not call anyone to tell them he had the guy there, and it is not like he could just hold the guy hostage in a revolving door forever. So he came back to the gate, described the man, and returned back to baggage claim to help identify him, but the man had fled.

They had the seat number, and can obviously find out who the man is, but the woman said she would decline to press charges; so the Cops and the airline have washed their hands of the deal.

I can only imagine what the situation was like for this woman. Here she is, minding her own business, and a man traps her in her seat and starts touching her somehow and someway. A small part of me can imagine (because I have seen it, and have gone to the aid of someone in that position) what she was going through. Isolation... Exposure... a feeling of being trapped and alone.

Here is what my problem is with this.

She refuses to press charges. Refuses. I am sorry, but what you went through was not the end of the world. Yes, you don't want to see that man again. So, best to just be quiet, right?

Can anyone else see the problem with this?

The man has no 'feedback loop' discouraging him from behaving the way he did. He got exactly the reaction that he wanted; a panicked woman.

He didn't get a 'punch to the kisser,' he didn't get someone who would simply stand up, start laughing, point at him, call out, yell, anything.

Just a compliant little bunny rabbit. Perfect for the wolves... let us make their lives easier.

This woman was on a crowded airplane, and even though she may have felt alone, she sure as hell was not alone! All she had to do was speak up.

Girls, get this through your heads. We are not mind readers!

If you are in trouble, maybe nobody will notice it. What are you going to do, just go to slaughter for the wolves? I guess there is a population that will do just that. I have even seen it in action.

And this is why these dirtbags are able to continue what they are doing, because they are not stopped when it happens. You know what would be a good solution to this? A punch right in the face. A kick to the balls. Laughter (since most male on female sexual assaults are about 'power,' and not about sex, laughter is a great weapon... no man anywhere wants his 'sexual prowess' laughed at.)

I know plenty of women who would do exactly the same is this woman did... not press charges, because you don't want to relive the experience, or whatever excuse you want to give. Too damn bad. Relive it. Pay that price, because when you do not, some other woman is going to be in your shoes in the not too distant future, all because you wouldn't speak up and nail the bastard to the door. They had to police, they had a witness, all they need is a name... and... nothing.

Girls... ladies... women... until you are ready to speak up, then this kind of thing will continue. I happen to know that the Captain of this flight would have gladly gone back and punched the guy in the face (A case for this could be made, but not once you are on the ground!) He certainly would have hog tied the man and left him trussed up for the police at the gate.

So why not speak up? Shy? afraid? Nervous? Too Goddamn bad! This is a major fault with women--- by not speaking up, you are selling the next woman, the next victim, down the river. You are giving her up to the wolves, as sure as you were trapped yourself.

Fight, Flight, or Freeze.

Women need to fight.

If a piece of crap like that sits down next to you, and exposes himself (which has happened to at least 2 women that I know) stand up and point... laugh... yell out... call attention to it. Hit the man... kick the man (trust me, the last thing this piece of excrement is expecting is a battle) ... do whatever you want; he has lost his rights.

Whatever you do not do, don't sit there meekly, hoping that it will all go away, that he will just stop, or that please please someone notice me I am in a bad place. Even in a crowd, people will simply not notice.

Women, you need to speak up. You need to act. You need to decide not to be a victim. 90% of men will gladly come to your aid, but, if we don't know you are in trouble, then we don't even know to help. There had been a couple other women on the train when that guy in my own story first got on, but who did he pick out of the crowd? The meek one... the wolves circle the rabbit...

The only way you can become a victim like this is if you let yourself. Fight... kick.. scratch... punch... make a scene; if not for yourself, then for the next girl, for the wife, for the daughter. Until someone stands up and fights back, he will continue... and they will continue... doing what they are doing.

More on this at a later date....